What to Do After Your Mom Dies: The "Heaven on Earth" Approach to Grief: How to Find Peace and Presence After Mother Loss | Nicole Weston, Life Coach for Motherless Mothers
On this episode of Can't Call Your Mom, I had the honour of speaking with marketing expert Kelsey Reidl about mothering, leading, and loving without our moms. Kelsey's story is a beautiful exploration of finding peace in the present and redefining love after loss.
What happens when your entire world shifts in less than 36 hours? For Kelsey Reidl the abrupt loss of her mother, Heather, became a profound lesson in the ultimate gift of time. In this conversation, Kelsey takes us through her journey of turning sudden tragedy into intentional living, focusing on the pillars of presence, movement, and honouring her mother's spirit as a "gatherer of people". This isn't about moving on; it's about staying anchored in the present—a practice she calls the "Heaven on Earth" approach to grief. Join us as we explore how Kelsey learned to "birth time" instead of "kill time" and redefine love and presence for herself and her family.
The Gathering Spirit of Heather
Kelsey's mother, Heather was renowned as the ultimate "gatherer of people". Her life revolved around hosting, cooking, and making her home a welcoming, cozy space. Heather would show her love through entertaining guests, trying out new recipes she learned from the Food Network, and serving freshly baked muffins and coffee. This welcoming spirit is something Kelsey carries forward today, honoring her mom through her own love of baking and cooking, and aspiring to be the best host and gatherer of people in her honor.
Co-Creating Miracles: Loss and the Mothering Journey
Kelsey's journey to motherhood began about a year after her mother passed away, when she felt an intense maternal instinct. She viewed this as her mom's path for her—a soul coming through that was partly her mom "coming back to Earth".
After experiencing a miscarriage, Kelsey's son, Freddy, was born on Christmas Day—her mom’s favorite holiday. This event felt like a purposeful co-creation, helping to "bring the magic back to Christmas that had been lost" after Heather’s death. For Kelsey, finding "glimmers and like those little, tiny, bright lights of positivity" is her primary coping mechanism that helps her move through the hardest days.
Time is Not Guaranteed: From Killing Time to Birthing Time
Kelsey’s mother was golfing and out for dinner on a Friday, and less than 36 hours later, she was on life support. This abrupt loss was a stark lesson that time is not guaranteed and what you know in one moment may not be true in the next.
As a result, Kelsey is intentional about how she uses her time. Instead of working to "kill time," she works to "birth time"—stretching minutes into hours and maximizing small moments with her family. This focus on presence is what makes her experience of motherhood and business feel "effortless" and "flowing". Grief brings into focus what’s important, inviting us to be specific about our boundaries and values, with presence often rising to the top.
The Unanswered Question: The Honest Truth of Grief
Despite her intentionality and beautiful practices, Kelsey shared a profound truth: she still doesn't have the "magical playbook" for how to stay in touch or renew her relationship with her mom. She grapples with the honest dissonance of wanting to share simple, daily details of her son’s life—and the reality that she can’t call the person who truly has the patience for those non-essential details.
Ultimately, if she could call her mom today, she would tell her that her spirit "informs everything that I do" and ask her to be proud of the woman and family she has built. Nurturing her relationship with herself and taking care of who she is remains the most profound way to honor their love.
Kelsey it was an honour to have you on the podcast and talk about our moms and all we have learned since they died. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Nicole Weston
Listen to the full episode with Kelsey Reidl now to hear more about her journey with mother loss and the pursuit of peace.
Can’t Call Your Mom with Nicole Weston
Want to share your story on the podcast? Book a time here, https://nicoleweston.as.me/applypodcast
Anchoring in the Present: Peace and "Heaven on Earth"
Kelsey observed that her family members handled the loss in opposite ways: her sister fell into the past with depression, and her father escaped to the future with anxious planning. Kelsey realized the path to peace was to stay anchored in the present.
Heaven on Earth: Kelsey connects with her mother by focusing on the idea of "Heaven on Earth," believing that if we want to connect with deceased parents, we must bring heaven down to earth. This is achieved by noticing the light, beauty, and miracles happening in the moment, a practice that forces presence.
The Practice of Movement: When faced with heavy or stuck energy, Kelsey's primary practice is moving her body. Physical exertion helps her stop ruminating, shakes out unwanted energy, and brings her back to the immediate, present moment.
