This stopped me from being the default parent to creating more love in my relationship | Nicole Weston, Life Coach for Moms | Founder of Motherhood by Design™
This stopped me from being the default parent to creating more love in my relationship |
Nicole Weston, Life Coach for Moms | Founder of Motherhood by Design™ helping powerful women transform their experience in motherhood and putting themselves first for more pleasure, presence and self-love.
You both became parents so why does it feel like you as the mother do everything? That was me when we first became parents and as time went on I felt eep resentment for his sense of freedom, managing the invisible list and for feeling like his mother and not his partner.
Now, because of the inner work and healing I did along with my Divine Leadership™ Method I am sharing with you today, we are more in love, more connected and creating a family of our dreams.
Here’s the thing, if you’re like me, it's likely that your mom did EVERYTHING in your family, she was the captain of the ship, she navigated the storms, made the meals, hugged the pain away, planned the vacations and picked up after everyone.
She was graceful, loving, kind and maybe sometimes her anger bursted out, OR maybe she never said a word to you.
Now as a mother, you find yourself wanting to have it all. A loving family, healthy relationship, successful work life and be a present mom. But at night you sit and wonder how the hell she did it all.
HOW?
Like seriously mom, how did you? If I had to guess, she sacrificed her own needs, desires and wants. She made sure everyone was taken care of each day and kept saying “once everyone is good, there will be time for me”.
But that time never came, because mom is always mom.
How she learned to be a mom, was to love everyone and care for everyone else first. And IF there is time at the end of the day, week, or month, she will enjoy that book, take that trip or go back to school.
So love, the truth is, we didn’t learn how to do it all without the sacrifice or without the resentment.
But, I am here to tell you there is another way.
A way through it all.
The Divine Leadership Method™ helped me go from feeling like the default parent, having zero intimacy and feeling resentful to having strong communication, more pleasure, intimate connections, and a partnership in cultivating the family of our dreams. I am sharing my powerful journal prompts to help you move through the resentment and elicit how to put you first.
Honestly, when you come first your life gets to feel fulfilled and everyone feels loved, appreciated and valued.
So let’s dive into what Resentment is.
The emotion of Resentment is from the family of ‘envy’ (Brene Brown) which when we are envious this is also a mirror of what we truly desire.
However, because of old beliefs of ‘how’ motherhood and love ‘should’ look like, often women will stop themselves from allowing their desires to be seen. And as a result, resentment builds up in the marriage.
So, if you are here and you are like YES, YES, Nicole this is exactly how I feel and what I am going through, then I invite you to grab your journal and get ready to write these prompts down.
Now, when resentment shows up for me, I follow this exact process. I believe on the other side of our PAIN is our Power which leads us into a deeper understanding of our Potential and what is Possible for us.
After working through the method I always feel empowered, and I have awareness of what I need and can regulate myself which allows me to be the leader in my life so I can have more ease, love and connection.
Is it hard?
YES. We are human.
Can we navigate the sticky parts better now?
YES, because we have a process.
Do I still feel resentment?
YES, I am human.
But now, we have a way through, and it doesn't involve silent treatments, withholding love, or days of zero collaboration.
I created More Than Moms™ because you are SO MUCH MORE and embodying all of who you are allows your children to embody all of who they are.
Pause for a moment.
Think about it.
When you love and accept all of you, they can too.
Mic drop.
That’s my fuel. How about you?
So let’s get to it.
When you are having a moment, where the resentment is boiling because once again you are packing the bags, folding the laundry, and thinking about EVERYTHING and picking up the socks. Follow my Divine Leadership Method™ journal prompts to help move you through.
Disclaimer: This framework is best used when both individuals are in a healthy relationship and feel like they have hit a wall. Both people are willing and wanting to reach the goal of more love and connection.
Phase One: Regulation
It is so important that you take the time to regulate your nervous system and your body. Emotions are Energy in Motion but because we weren’t taught how to navigate the heavy emotions we tend to just push them way down and pretend like everything is ok. And that becomes a problem because emotions must be kept moving. It takes MORE energy to keep that heavy emotion locked down than it does to move it.
Where do I feel the energy of this emotion in my body?
Breathe into this space with three deep breaths.
Close your eyes and say in your mind, I see you, I am safe.
Phase two: Awareness
Awareness in my world serves two purposes; choice and action.
Did you know, 50% of the time just being aware of the problem can resolve 15-30 problems instantly? As a Divine Leader it is totally normal to have a love/hate relationship with awareness. So when you get the awareness sting, sit with it, and then follow the steps.
Listen to the voice in your head, is she kind, loving and supportive? Or is she critical, harsh and focused on all the things you have not yet finished?
Who does the voice sound like, look like or feel like? Is it your partner? Or could it be your mom?
“We cannot change the things we haven’t accepted because what we resist persists”.
Phase three: Authentic Self-Love
Gone our the days where we use toxic self love practices to ‘woo woo’ our way out of our heavy emotions. I will scream this from the rooftops for the rest of my life: “how you feel matters and does not require comparison, justification or it could be worse thinking”. You cannot shame yourself into loving yourself. So, can we just be easy and approach ourselves with compassion, grace and kindness. And if you're new at that, go even slower.
Say to yourself: “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am at this moment, I am in the process of learning a new way”.
These old ways of loving ME no longer serve me.
I can feel angry, sad and joy at the same time, there is space for it all.
My emotions do not define me, they are indicating what I need.
Write a list of what you need.
Phase four: Acceptance with Action and Self Compassion
Acceptance is the practice of truly sitting with everything exactly as it is. No judgment, no analysis, just pure neutrality of the present moment. When we sit with our pain we can learn from it because it is an invitation to look inward at what beliefs are no longer supporting us.
What do you want?
When you are constantly managing everything in your family, what emotion is present? Where do you feel it?
What do you wish your partner would say or do?
What needs of yours would be met if they did?
How can you meet that need first?
What has to be communicated to resolve this?
I hope you will find the same power I did when I began implementing The Divine Leadership Method into my daily life. I am kinder to myself and happier which allows me to be patient, happy and intentional in my family and my marriage.
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If you want to explore how a life coach and motherhood mentor can help you to feel more like yourself, how to put you first and be confident in your decisions, consider booking a 15 minute get to you know session with Nicole here>>
Nicole Weston | Evolved NLP Practitioner, Life Coach & Motherhood Mentor, Founder of More Than Moms™
Podcast: Redefine & Align
Instagram: @thenicoleweston
